Jury Duty

The other day, I performed my civic duty…otherwise known as jury duty. This was my second time being summoned as a Chester County juror. I managed to weasel out of my first selection; as I was doing an internship at the time. I probably could have avoided the summons this time, as I believe I have enough credits to be considered a full-time student. Nonetheless, I went.

I felt a strange mix of excitement and foreboding; I was getting a day away from work, but I was venturing into the unknown. Even though it’s been a while since I have lived in West Chester, I managed to navigate rush-hour traffic like a pro. I was surprised to find a space on the second story of the Bi-Centennial Parking Garage, due to the fact that I was over a half-hour early. Everything seemed to be going well…too well.

Sure enough, my arrival at the entrance to the courthouse was a harbinger to things to come. There I encounter a security person that would make any trip through a Philadelphia International Airport’s TSA checkpoint seem like a walk in the park. If I had wanted to be screamed at for inconsequential things at 0800 hours, I would have joined the Marine Corps after high school. Semper Fi, you poser douche-bag.

I had thought my new job was a sad and miserable place to be…until I went to jury duty for our fair county. We were crammed into a small room, and I’m certain we were violating at least one fire code. The stench of overheated bodies filled the air; which was combined with the fear of the unknown, and lashed to my natural distrust of strangers: this was a recipe for disaster.

After everyone had arrived (there’s always a bunch of people who feel the need to be fashionably late; no matter what the venue) and a pep-talk from one of our county judges; we were informed that we were the largest group of jurors ever at the courthouse, and that there were at least six jury trials to be had that day.

TGB was selected to an early civil trial. Unfortunately (?) for me, I wasn’t selected to be a juror on this case. I suppose the lawyers in the trial were frightened off by the aura my superior intellect casts. Ha-ha.

After being cast out of Judge Gavin’s court room, I was “recycled.” I sat in the overcrowded room for five more hours, and through three “false-alarms,” waiting to get my chance to fulfill my obligation to society. Even after enduring sheer, mind-numbing boredom, it wasn’t to be.

To my estimation, only two of the six jury trials began that day. Has anyone in the county judicial system heard of Six-Sigma, or efficiency? Likely not.

Let’s hope the new Justice Center at least has nicer juror accommodations; like liquor, show-girls, and gambling.