Sign of the apocalypse?

The Trentonian made Sports Illustrated this week. The newspaper's cover on the day after the George Mitchell steroids report was released, featuring a photo of Roger Clemens and the headline, "He Took It In The Butt," was reproduced as part of the weekly feature, "Sign of the Apocalypse."

Roger Clemens is in denial

Taking the opposite approach of teammate Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens adamantly denied using steroids today.
In fact, he even got preachy about it, saying, "Those substances represent a dangerous and destructive shortcut that no athlete should ever take."
That doesn't ring true with pretty much anyone, given how damning George Mitchell's steroids report was in relation to Clemens, and in contrast to Pettitte (an evangelical Boy Scout vs. Clemens' a-hole hillbilly routine) admitting that he had done it.
Uncomfortable with the George Mitchell report's depiction of Clemens as lustily pursuing any bit of steroids he could get his buttocks on, a Texas high school athletic association is dis-inviting Clemens as a speaker, it was announced yesterday.
But all who worry about Clemens' ability to make a living in this post-steroids outing era, have no fear.
He can still do the pharmaceutical salesmen convention speech circuit.
And we heard Pacman Jones needs a tag team partner at some second-tier pro wrestling events next year.

Rivera conspicuously not surprised about Clemens

The Yankees have finalized a three-year, $45 million deal with Mariano Rivera, meaning that the team will be paying the already-slipping closer $15 million when he is 41 years old.
After signing the deal, Rivera told reporters that he was surprised Andy Pettitte took Human Growth Hormone and was included in George Mitchell's report on performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball.
Rivera conspicuously made no mention of being surprised that Roger Clemens used steroids and was featured prominently in said report.

What? What? In the butt

From the AP's report about the Mitchell steroids findings:
Clemens was singled out in nearly nine pages, with much of the information on the seven-time Cy Young Award winner coming from former New York Yankees major league strength and conditioning coach Brian McNamee.
More than a dozen Yankees, past and present, were among the 75-plus players identified.
"According to McNamee, from the time that McNamee injected Clemens with Winstrol through the end of the 1998 season, Clemens' performance showed remarkable improvement," the report said. "During this period of improved performance, Clemens told McNamee that the steroids 'had a pretty good effect' on him."
McNamee also told investigators that "during the middle of the 2000 season, Clemens made it clear that he was ready to use steroids again. During the latter part of the regular season, McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times with testosterone from a bottle labeled either Sustanon 250 or Deca-Durabolin."

God hates the Yankees

It was Maine Sen. George Mitchell who said to Oliver North that "God doesn't take sides in politics."

Now George Mitchell is investigating steroid use.

And God is taking sides in Major League Baseball.

OK, this has nothing at all to do with steroids or George Mitchell.

But who can deny that Divine Intervention came into play Friday night as the Yankees lost to go down 0-2 vs. Cleveland and be on the brink of having their season ended.

The game was even - a pitchers' duel - and the Yankees had gotten as good an outing as they could have asked for from Andy Pettitte.

Their phenom fireballer, Joba Chamberlain, was on the mound, and he's been unhittable.

Yankee fans everywhere were starting to think about pitching matchups against the Boston Red Sox, jumping ahead to a prospective ALCS.

And God looked down on Jacobs Field, and sent a swarm of insects left over from one of the plagues on Egypt, to smote the Evil Empire.

Blinded by swarming bugs, Joba started throwing wild pitches, and the rest is playoff history.