Axis Automakers have declared war on America's drivers.

Unfortunately, some otherwise good Americans have already been duped into buying one of Hirohito's heaps -- maybe even you. If there's a Jap junker in your garage, don't panic! Because you can still do your part. Think carefully: does that car...

Suddenly accelerate?
Inexplicably crash while you're texting?
Fail to correctly steer itself on cruise control?
Repeatedly trigger false-positive breathalyzer tests?
If you answered "no" to all of the above, stomp the throttle and aim for the nearest telegraph pole. Report all these incidents at once to your local Civil Union Defense board. You'll get a handsome certificate of appreciation from President Obama, and a $2000 rebate check good for any new patriotic GM or Chrysler car!