8/13/08 Flowery Branch, Georgia ( Atlanta Falcons training camp)...The Atlanta Falcons braced for another mortar attack from the Soviet Union, in shell-shocked Georgia today. “This is my first year with this team, I swear I never saw this coming,” new Falcons head coach Mike Smith told a shaken media. “I’m seeing a whole lot of red, and it’s not just in our uniforms. I’m here trying to get this slop of an NFL team ready for our home opener vs. the Lions, and now this. Did Bobby Petrino tick off the Russians that bad, too?”
“ When was the last time a state was attacked by the Russians? Couldn’t they have invaded South Carolina? Why they picked Georgia, I don’t have a clue. There’s no oil here, we all know it’s the Peach State, I thought. Why do you think this town was named Flowery Branch? Michael Vick’s 2007 fightin’ pit bull saga is looking tame next to this sorry situation. We sure could use some of Vick’s fightin’ dogs right now, to help protect The Georgia Dome. I-85 North has been shut down. Algae Crumpler has been shut down. It’s bad enough just trying to block and tackle in a place called Flowery Branch without laughing.”
As the world watches this tense and developing situation, extra security has been placed around FFB notables Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, Roddy White, and Michael Jenkins.
Joey Harrington , Joe Horn , Chris Redman, and Jerious Norwood weren’t provided any security.
“We’ve been through some rough times before,” Falcons owner Arthur Blank told the press. “ Our Falcons may quit and lose a lot, but as long as I’m still the owner, they will never, ever surrender.”