Dear No Patience, I am so sorry you didn’t get your mail by 4 p.m You see, in an effort to control overtime costs, we mail carriers are required to finish our routes and then cover the routes of carriers who have the day off. Be assured that I will make every attempt to stave off heat exhaustion to make sure you have your mail in time to go to the bank. I only ask that if you see me passed out on your neighbor’s lawn, please call for help. By the way, summer is one of the lightest times of the year for mail volume. It is not uncommon on a daily basis for several of my customers to have no mail!

Cliff Clavin

Dude, I think you need a day off, very soon.

— Ed. Note