Ed, someone stole a parrot from my home in Bordentown last Thursday night (Oct. 15). I am offering a reward of $1,500 for her safe return. You can call (609) 298-9283. If you have her, please return her to me. Leave her on my front porch, there is a cage there. Please, please, please return her to me.

D. Feathered

There’s a special place in hell for parrotnappers. Give it back or suffer eternal damnation.—Ed. Note