Hey, Ed, I know Mayor Gilmore reads Back Talk. I want him to give us some updates about this “safest town.” I see crime all over the place. They keep that hush-hush, but this is election year, when everything’s always hush-hush about the bad things going on.

Vote Gilmore out!

Crime reporterUpdates? It’ll go something like this ... “This is Mayor Gilmore with your minute-by-minute safety report. 9:15 p.m. Park cameras activated. No one being murdered, beaten or raped. 9:20. Someone being beaten, but not too hard. Pretty darn safe! 9:25. Beating has ceased. Safety as far as the eye can see. 9:30. Orange alert. Trouble brewing on the horizon — in Trenton!”—Ed. Note