Ed, I’m calling about the article on UFOs. Well, I attended one of the meetings that Dr. UFO conducts and there was a lady there who said she was in constant communication with people on Saturn. Well, I didn’t find that so unusual, since my wife tells me I’m in outer space half the time. Since the government is starting to recognize UFOs, I told my wife, if I don’t return home from bowling some night it’s because I’ve been taken up in a UFO to a galaxy far, far away. And tell Jeff Edelstein if he wants to come, his wife will no longer have to worry about his snoring.

Seven-Ten Split

Jeff’s snoring is coming along nicely. Turns out he just had to lose a tiny bit of weight off his uvula. Seriously.—Ed. Note