Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Shut. Up.

I'll be in Allentown tomorrow for yet another town hall on health care. If you are also going to be there, I beg of you: Shut up. Just. Shut. Up.
I don't care if you think "Sestak is a snake" or "Toomey is looney." I don't care if you hate/love/fear/worship Obama/Boehner/Pelosi/McCain. I don't care what you think about anything, actually, until whoever is onstage has finished talking. And I don't mean immediately following a single sentence, I mean the whole shebang.
Then I will ask you.
Then you can tell me.
In the interim, please refrain from bleating out whatever half-truth you gleaned from some dingbat's twitter account earlier in the day, because A) it's annoying, B) you're probably wrong and C) no one can tell what the hell anyone's saying when everyone shouts different buzzwords at the same time anyway.
See, unlike some of you mewling cabbages that go to these things (and you know who you are) I actually want - nay, need - to hear what the people with the microphones are saying. Because it's my job to tell other people (those who actually have lives away from the front steps of Planned Parenthood and Whole Foods) what was said. When you whine and shout and rend your garments, that makes my job difficult, which in turn makes me want to beat you to death with a fence post.
To be clear, I'm not saying you shouldn't get out there and demonstrate and wave signs and shout slogans and all that jazz. Knock yourself out - it doesn't hurt anyone and has never made a lick of difference in politics anyway.
But when someone is halfway through a sentence that sounds kind of important to the argument, it might be a good idea to let him finish and actually hear what he has to say instead of cheering or booing or whatever else your little chimp mind has grasped on as the correct response to some trigger word like "taxes" or "panel" or "donut hole."
Save all that for later. I assure you, there will be plenty of time to alienate your friends and loved ones with whatever you think is a well-reasoned argument long after we've all fled Allentown at high speed.
For the moment, though, please, please just shut up. We'll all have a better understanding of the debate and, as a bonus, no one will be bludgeoned with yard lumber.

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