Exclusive! Deitch in Colorado, Admits To Using Performance-Enhancing Substance!

Oh, 6:30 a.m. flights. The good thing about them is that they almost never are delayed - a rare gimme when dealing with a business whose CEOs should wear red noses and oversized shoes. The bad thing about them is that they almost never are delayed - which means you better get your draggin' derriere up and at 'em and to the airport pronto, Cochise!
I made it. Cut it a little close, but I've had closer. So I'm at Coors Field, watching the Phillies take batting practice and trying to get over my irritation
with Rockies head groundskeeper Mark Razum. I asked the guy if we could reminisce about the tarp incident, and you would have thought I was Chris Hansen doing an piece for "To Catch a Predator." Dude, the tarp story is as warm and fuzzy as it gets. What, you worried that bringing it up makes it seem like you and your co-workers couldn't get the job done yourselves?!?

A-HA!!

I don't want to generalize, but I'm going to do it anyway - groundskeepers are weird dudes. There, I said it. It's as if they take a vow of weirdness by placing a hand
on a picture of Carl Spackler when they earn their Master of Sod Arts degree.

So, that's an inside look at how a story idea goes up in smoke. Now I might have to do something ridiculous like write about, I dunno, baseball. Great! Super!

Time to change my I.V.