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Terrible Cook
I am a terrible cook. I’ve tried to develop this talent; always with disastrous results. This was thoroughly illustrated a couple of years back when I was living in an apartment in Spring City. Having a Saturday off, I decided to ditch my bowl of Captain Crunch, and make myself some real food for lunch, and what better food to begin my exploits in the culinary arts then Macaroni and Cheese; delicious. Unfortunately my dreams of cheesy goodness became a nightmare when I used too small a pot to cook the macaroni, and instantly charred it to the bottom of the pot.
Undeterred, I went to my cabinet and got myself another box of Kraft delight and started my second attempt to complete the basic function of feeding myself. While boiling the noodles (this time in a larger pot) I realized that I now had two packs of yellow powdery goodness. Being a normal American male my first thought was “if one package of cheese is good, two will be twice as good.” Wrong again stupid! I have no idea what unholy concoction I created that day, but I imagine it is the closest I will come to tasting whale ejaculate. Needless to say it was “me and the captain” for lunch that day, and all I had to show for my troubles were two dirty pots.
I did however, learn a lesson from that experience. I am not the only one who has the world view that if something is good, then more of it is better. We covet and hoard what we love, only to display it to those around us as a status symbol. But the lesson that I have been taught over and over again is that more is not always better; this would be a reasonable explanation for hundreds of miracle weight loss infomercials that are on at four in the morning.
As Americans we have had so much for so long, we are afraid that it’s going to be taken away from us. Maybe the American Dream is a lie, maybe showing compassion and charity is a big step in finding meaning and purpose in a life that holds more disappointments then promises? Maybe we should be less worried about the immigrants taking our jobs and our welfare, and more worried about making sure everyone has their basic needs met. I don’t know, what I do know is never put two packets of powder in Macaroni and Cheese.
Posted by
Matthew Byrd
Undeterred, I went to my cabinet and got myself another box of Kraft delight and started my second attempt to complete the basic function of feeding myself. While boiling the noodles (this time in a larger pot) I realized that I now had two packs of yellow powdery goodness. Being a normal American male my first thought was “if one package of cheese is good, two will be twice as good.” Wrong again stupid! I have no idea what unholy concoction I created that day, but I imagine it is the closest I will come to tasting whale ejaculate. Needless to say it was “me and the captain” for lunch that day, and all I had to show for my troubles were two dirty pots.
I did however, learn a lesson from that experience. I am not the only one who has the world view that if something is good, then more of it is better. We covet and hoard what we love, only to display it to those around us as a status symbol. But the lesson that I have been taught over and over again is that more is not always better; this would be a reasonable explanation for hundreds of miracle weight loss infomercials that are on at four in the morning.
As Americans we have had so much for so long, we are afraid that it’s going to be taken away from us. Maybe the American Dream is a lie, maybe showing compassion and charity is a big step in finding meaning and purpose in a life that holds more disappointments then promises? Maybe we should be less worried about the immigrants taking our jobs and our welfare, and more worried about making sure everyone has their basic needs met. I don’t know, what I do know is never put two packets of powder in Macaroni and Cheese.
Posted by
Matthew Byrd
posted by The Phoenix Files at
10:24 AM
5 Comments:
Whale Ejaculate? Gross. That reminds me of Dennis.
His talent for writing is rubbing off on you.
Stop ccoking.
Stop writing about cooking.
Stop writing.
i love this story- ignore previous comments from people who lack a sense of humor or actually read to the end to read the point of your article
Sorry. When I read about the whale ejaculate Dennis immediately came to mind and I couldn't get to the end of the story. I apologize.
If the American Dream was a lie you wouldn't see hundreds of immigrants on our sidewalks.
Historically immigrants will work for much less per hour than the average American. For this reason you will continue to earn less than $10/hour in your own job. As a country we show our compassion by allowing illegal immigrants to live and work along side us, making up their own set of rules. Ross Perot spoke of that big sucking sound to the south, allowing major corporations to make bigger profits by moving their companies to Mexico and the like. Today smaller companies inside the US get to ride that sucking wave as well, as the average American blue-collar non-union wage hits a new low.
A few years ago Mexico invaded the United States without firing a shot. We can't do anything about it but concede and put up with working for lower wages to compete with our immigrant 'friends'.
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