Ed, please give me some advice. I’ve been waiting seven years to marry my fiance, who gave me a ring three years ago. He’s afraid of marriage because of the way his ex-wife treated him. How long is a woman supposed to wait? He recently humiliated me by spanking a barmaid at her invitation in front of everyone at a local tavern. I felt two centimeters tall, as low as a snake beneath a snake. He no longer needs me to buy him things now that he’s making money. Bullets are cheap, but I don’t want to go to jail. What should I do, Ed? Thanks for listening. I needed to vent.

Ticking Time Bomb

Whaddya think this is? Ask Abby, Dear Angie — whatever they call it? I’ll give it a shot. But I’d like to address your fiance, not you, if that’s OK (it is): Dude! Spanking the barmaid? Nice one! Anyway, listen. This chick is going to freaking shoot you if you don’t get married right now. Remember your ex? Good. Don’t forget. Now give back the ring, pay the poor woman for all that cash you leached off her (you deadbeat), and run like hell.—Ed. Note