Alright people, gonna be some changes around here.
In an effort to add some structure to this thing, I've decided to do a weekly round-up of interesting pieces in the news, or at least anything I can get a joke out of. Starting now.
First up, Ringo Starr asked people to stop sending him things. No more singing stuff, no more autographs, no more nothing.
Guess he couldn't handle the three insane people that still write to him anymore. Or he finally received a human head in the mail. Either way, where am I going to send my hair clippings now?!
Also, a judge in Lincoln, Neb. threw out a legislator’s lawsuit against god because the almighty "wasn’t properly served due to his unlisted home address."
Seriously?
Apparently, state Sen. Ernie Chambers had filed a suit last year seeking a permanent injunction against god, claiming the deity had made terroristic threats against Chamber and his constituents, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”
Which, when you think back to the causes of every major war (including the war on terror) isn't that far off. I'd go so far as to say it's dead on.
My friend Charlie used to say Jesus is like The Dave Matthews Band - it isn't really the name on the bill that's the problem. It's the followers.
Chambers said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts, regardless of whether they are rich or poor.
I have no idea how that translates to a lawsuit against god, and apparently the AP didn't think to ask, but whatever.
Despite losing, Chambers, in what I call a stroke of legal genius, decided the judge's ruling was actually in his favor.
“The court itself acknowledges the existence of God,” he said. “A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God’s omniscience.”
And since god is omniscient, he knows about the lawsuit.
Pretty sneaky, sis.
Chambers has 30 days to file an appeal, but he said Wednesday he hasn’t decided yet. I hope he does. I'd loooove to see this one play out. I honestly can't think of a better way to waste the taxpayers dollars. Iraq, maybe. But that's old hat.
And finally, the Sacramento, California Republican Party has cleared up any question that Democratic Illinois Sen. Barack Obama is, in fact, a terrorist in league with Osama bin Laden.
Yes, in a fair and balanced Web site, Obama and bin Laden were pictured next to one another with the caption: "The difference between Osama and Obama is just a little B.S."
Hahaha! Get it? The only difference between their names is a letter! Also, did you know Obama's middle name is "Hussein?" Just like that guy that was gonna flood with the world with toxic WMDs! The link is so obvious!
See, this is why people just plain don't like the Grand Ol' Party anymore. It's not the fiscal conservatism down the drain, or the disconnect between policy and people, or even the rampant cronyism and disavowal of responsibility - it's the needless demonizing.
Even when faced with a Web site encouraging people to "Waterboard Barack Obama," you know what the Sacramento County Republican leader had to say?
"Some people find it offensive, others do not. I cannot comment on how people interpret things."
That's Craig MacGlashan, husband of Sacramento County Supervisor Roberta MacGlashan, in a story for the Sacramento Bee.
Sure, because who could possibly find the idea of torturing a U.S. Senator and presidential candidate offensive?
MacGlashan, by the way, had one day earlier called messages like "KKK," "white power," and other such crap scrawled on Obama displays "vandalism."
He said the party did not condone such actions (nor did it apparently condemn them)and did not consider it free speech.
Like Dave Barry used to say, I cannot make this stuff up.