Ninja Rap

Few things are funnier to me than the sight of Japanese adults face-planting as they race through an impossible obstacle course.

If you've never seen "Ninja Warrior," it's time to get acquainted.

Like many competitive reality shows, "Ninja Warrior" features laughably inept contestants in the first round and stunningly talented competitors in the later rounds. But "Ninja Warrior" is a far more sadomasochistic viewing experience than "American Idol." (To my knowledge, no contestant has been seriously injured.)

Simon Cowell's condescending quips have surely shattered hundreds of egos, but Idol contestants don't risk much more than embarrassment. "Ninja Warrior" contestants, on the other hand, run a gauntlet fraught with danger.

The obstacles test agility, strength and endurance well beyond any American athletic competition I've ever seen. Indeed, the "Ninja Warrior" course makes the "Eliminator" on "American Gladiators" look like a children's jungle gym.

If you're thinking the "Ninja Warrior" course can't possibly be that hard, then consider this: Even Olympic gymnast Paul Hamm couldn't make it to the final stage.

According to TV.com, less than 10 percent of contestants have made it past the first stage, and only two contestants -- Kazuhiko Akiyama and Makoto Nagano -- have completed all four stages.

Both men devoted their bodies and years of their lives to the competition. They even built replicas of some of the obstacles to practice on between tournaments. But they only completed the course once each -- most likely because the obstacles are modified after each tournament, making the next even tougher.

"Ninja Warrior" airs a few times a day on the G4 television network. Check your local listings. Podcasts of the show are available for download on the G4 Web site.

For a "Ninja Warrior" primer check out the clips posted below. I guess I should warn you not to try this at home. But if you decide to ignore my advice, I'll gladly post your video.