It has become customary among global warming deniers to remark during winter's coldest days that global warming can't possibly be true when it is so cold outside.

So let me beat them to the punch.

Man is it f*#%ing cold outside!

How cold is it? It' so cold snowmen are massing for their final assault on humanity. (See above)

How cold it it? I saw a guy try to light a cigarette on the street today and the flame froze.

How cold it is? I saw a polar bear holding a sign that read "Will Work for tickets to Florida."

Hell, they even had freezing temperatures in Florida this week. Hell, that's like hell freezing over. How do I know? Let's just say I have sources.

It's so cold that I couldn't get into my car when I went out this morning. It had a bit of an ice problem.

Then, when I gave up, I went down to Riverfront Park here in Pottstown for a brisk walk along the Schuylkill.

Well let me tell you, what I saw nearly took my breath (and my body heat) away.

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Well they say timing really is everything and that is apparently true for blogs as well.

Fast-forward three days. When I started this one, it was MF cold outside and of course now, it's been 60 for two days.

Hey wait, it's warmer, that must mean global warming is real!

And it's real right here in Pennsylvania. How do I know? The Union of Concerned Scientists came to Berks County and told us so.

When they came in October, they said "The Pennsylvania we know and love today might not be here in our children's lifetime," at least according to this article in The Reading Eagle (if you can believe anything they report).

According to their study, accessible by clicking here, a broad number of changes are in store for the Keystone State as a result of our carbon emission lifestyle.

Here are a few:

Yields of Concord grapes, sweet corn and some kinds of apples will decrease as temps rise and pests have an easier time in warmer climes;

Widespread ski resort closures will occur, along with a decrease in snowmobiling (no great loss there);

By 2040, our climate will be more like Virginia and North Carolina than the place that made Valley Forge famous because of its winters. By 2070, it could well feel like Georgia here.

Here's another way to look at it, by 2039, the number of days hotter than 90 degrees will double, more than 70 days a year for us along with a 10 percent increase in precipitation. Can anyone say "the Manatawny is flooding ... again"?

From 1961 to 1990, Philadelphia had about 20 days a year over 90 degrees, according to a handy chart in the report. By 2099, we will see more than 80 such days.

Not that we didn't do some of this ourselves. According to the scientists, Pennsylvania contributes 1 percent of total global emissions of CO2, and is the third highest in the U.S., behind only Texas and California.

There's another reason to worry about global warming -- it might kill you.

According to a report issued by the EPA (link not available either to the report of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune story that reported on it), climate change is "unequivocal" and blame is placed squarely on humanity's shoulders.

The report said as temperatures rise, extreme weather events; diseases borne by ticks and other organisms and an increase in asthma attacks cause by higher levels of pollen and smog will kill more people. (It was unclear whether that will be offset by fewer people freezing to death.)

And, because no environmental column would be complete without a swipe at the Bush administration's record on this issue, the Star-Tribune reported several months ago (yes I am a pack rat and save all kinds of things) that the former administration tried to "bury" the report so as not to have to regulate greenhouse gases.

In the governmental equivalent of sticking its fingers in its ears and saying loudly "I can't hear you lalalalalalalala," the former White House staff chose to deal with this issue by refusing to open e-mails about it from the EPA (this after Darth Cheney's office brazenly deleted testimony on the science made to a Congressional panel.)

Unfortunately for us all, what they don't know can hurt us.

It's Christmas, and the paper, and the packaging, and the idling through the parking lot looking for a spot, and the schlepping from store to store, and the catalogs...

OK, so maybe you've guessed that being asked to come up with the 10 Best Green Gifts for the holidays put us in touch with our inner Scrooge.

And then it dawned on us, advise people to give the gift of -- nothing.

Let's face it folks, none of us have any money this year and, more important, we all have more crap than we could ever use.

So how about this year, we get in touch with what the holiday is supposed to be all about, you know, good cheer, kindness toward others, good will toward men.

So, with this theme in mind, let's explore how we can find nothing under the tree this year and still be merry.

1) Junk the Junk -- Hey, nobody likes Junk Mail, but at holiday time, you could build a house with the stuff that comes through the door. So instead of using it to buy a gift for that special someone, give the someone the special gift of getting rid of it -- permanently.

A company called 41 Pounds provides a service that stops 85 to 90 percent of the mail you don't want, for $41 for five years.

2) Adopt Something that Needs Your Help -- Rather than try to compete, let me (again) crib shamelessly from Grist Magazine which advises you can "adopt endangered animals -- and even parcels of rainforest land -- in someone's name. For the greenie who has everything, look past the charismatic megafauna to sting rays, Hellbender salamanders, and vampire bats -- because nothing says happy holidays like poisonous stingers, cannibalism, and blood sucking." Ah, don't you just love the holidays?

3) Provide a Service -- Everyone knows someone who has a child who needs watching, a foot that needs rubbing, a garage that needs cleaning or even a portfolio that needs advising. These things cost money too, and buying or providing them gives your receiver the most important gifts of all, time and piece of mind.

4) Have a Good Time -- Some years ago, old friends of The Thin Green Line agreed to stop buying crap and instead, decided to devote the money to something worthwhile -- drinking! To be specific, we would make a holiday date and all go out and spend quality time together.

While alcohol is certainly not required (although advisable in moderation), good times are to be had a-plenty at Christmas time. Right down on High Street, the TriCounty Performing Arts Center is staging its premiere performance of "Miracle on 34th Street."

Up in equally lovely East Greenville, The Grand movie theater, remodeled to look as it did in 1924, will continue it holiday tradition showing "Scrooge," starring Albert Finney, starting Dec. 12. Also premiering will be the theater's historic 1923 Marr & Colton Theater Pipe Organ. Admission is only $5 and, on Dec. 17, admission is free!

Also free is the concert that will take place on Dec. 5 for Phoenixville's First Friday. The free concert will be at the Steel City Coffee House on Bridge Street from 6 to 9 p.m. One week and one day later, come and see the Holiday Luminaria set up at Lock 60 at the Locktender's House run by the Schuylkill Canal Association, also from 6 to 9 p.m.

5) Remember the Second R -- For that person on your list who just won't take "no stuff" for an answer, remember what comes after reduce and recycling. (It's "re-use" dummy! Don't you have your Tree-Hugger Manual handy?) Any-hoo, if there's one thing Pennsylvanians are good at it's re-using, they being so ... thrifty. That's the word. So go to the church bazaar or the antique store and give the gift that's already been given. In many cases, you can find something that's been locally made, involves little or no plastic and may even benefit an organization in your community.

6) Speaking of Helping a Community -- Help your own or someone else's. Our mother, never a fan of crap, decided to teach our little green liners about the real spirit of Christmas and rather than sending crap, sends them a note about a village in Africa that is getting a goat instead of them getting another PlayStation game. Local organizations, like the Green Valleys Association, abound. Or go far afield and help communities in the Third World develop sustainable practices.

7) Give the Gift of Knowledge -- My wife and I have long bemoaned the fact that no one would pay for us to go to college. We had been doing it for 17 years and had become quite good at it. But if you can't get paid to go to class, maybe you can cover someone else's costs. Both the Gallery on High and TriCounty Performing Arts Center have classes right here in Pottstown, as does the Pottstown Parks and Recreation Department, the YMCA and YWCA and, or course, the Montgomery County Community College's West Campus. All right here in Pottstown.

8) A Taste of the Holidays -- Put your stove to work. For years, my wife, sister-in-law and mother-in-law put together a collection of Christmas cookies, candies and sweets that still has people asking for more when they send Christmas cards (which are, of course, printed on recycled paper.) Yes, it takes time, but that's the idea. If time is money, making plates of cookies to give as gifts is perhaps the most expensive gift you can give.

9) A Gift That Gives Back -- You can also combine suggestions six and two. Consider that many organizations whose goals include helping your communitity and its environment sell items as a way to raise money. For example, the Berks County Conservancy sells a fleece jacket for $42 or, if that's to pricey, a $21 watercolor print of a painting called "The Oley Hills," identified as one of the most pristine areas of the the Highlands.


10) Explore Your Inner Crafter -- So perhaps, like those of us here at The Thin Green Line, the only handicraft ability you have is to buy them. But even you can put together a photo album, re-live that time the two of you got lost in the woods for two days and descended into savagery -- ah good times. If not, consider making something for some of your more recalcitrant recyclers, like a bin for their plastics. Or peruse the selection at RSI, where they specialize in sustainable gifting with things like rugs made from old jeans, or more useful things like battery re-chargers, used books (we once found a complete works of Shakespeare there for $5!) and even an electricity monitor.

Whatever you decide, remember that Christmas has always been about new life and the fewer things that get killed in order to celebrate it are in keeping with the spirit of the holiday.