Mike Missenelli, provocative sports talk personality on 950ESPN radio, will be hosting an on air FFB league. He has directed anyone in his rapidly expanding radio audience to email if interested in joining this select league. That would be a total hoot! It surely would be entertaining. I’m not sure Mikey Miss would be the most benevolent of FFB Commish’s, but he’d sure make it fun and games! I have already forwarded my electronic shout-out to MikeMiss@950ESPN.com. to try my luck. If anyone out there is interested, fly out an email to Mike. I’m sure he will unveil a degenerate, eclectic group of team owners….novices need not apply. Would all-world FFB naysayer Howard Eskin ever go there? Eskin just wouldn’t get it….
My tough league of friends recently held our 10th annual FFB draft. With this year’s 5th pick, I had some serious head-scratching to do. And, I had to think fast! When you’re on the clock, the barbs come fast and furious! The four picks before me were the predictable running backs LT, Adrian Peterson, Brian Westbrook and Steven Jackson. When I selected Buffalo’s Marshawn Lynch at #5, our 2008 insult season officially got underway. I won’t bore you with why I took the 2nd year RB out of Cal, other than an understanding that he will touch the ball about 10 times more per game than he accomplished in his successful 2007 rookie campaign. Buffalo also faces a much softer schedule of defenses against the run than Joseph Addai will with the Indy Colts. Also, Marshawn will get more passes out of the backfield this year. At Cal he was a solid receiver as well. And, besides, I cringe at the injury history of Frank Gore, Clinton Portis, Larry Johnson, the other backs that were picked shortly after me, even Joseph Addai. OK., so I bored you. I flip-flopped…It’s not life, it’s not politics, it’s just FFB…
Did anyone of you out there totally steal the QB who led the entire NFL with 21 TD's in the 2nd half of 2007, in your 14th ROUND?? That QB wasn’t Tom Brady, it wasn’t Drew Brees, it wasn’t Peyton Manning. It was Kurt Warner, who was just named by Arizona Coach Ken Whisenant, as the opening day starter. ( Matt Leinart went 4 rounds earlier). Warner carried me to my Championship after I picked him up in week #9 last year. Maybe my league isn’t so tough after all. I was going to wait a round, but I was afraid he’d be swooped up as a hand cuff to Leinart. QB’s in my draft went surprisingly fast. Brady, Romo, Manning, Brees, and head-scratcher Carson Palmer were gone before the 3rd round.. Who’s Palmer going to get the ball to? Arnold Palmer?
I’m elated with Kurt Warner again at round #14.…it only has an upside.
Wow! A RB who was in the top 25 in most FFB circles, has been sadly terminated. The Cincy Bengals saved some coin by parting ways with Rudi Johnson.( a bad year for Rudi’s). Johnson, the #1 RB on the Bengals preseason depth chart, is looking for a job. This paves the way for injury prone Chris Perry , and Kenny Watson. The feeling here, it will be Watson by mid-season. Both were picked in my league, neither will be very valuable. Nor will Rudi Johnson.
I know this isn’t FFB, but I just can’t help myself...Sarah Palin?? A self-professed “hockey mom,“ a heart beat away from the top office of the free world? The future “face” of the Republican Party? On just one meeting with John McCain? Oh, to be a fly on that wall! Is it just me, or will she need to score a hat trick every hour, 24/7 until the election? Could there ever be more of a microscope placed on anyone? Is this historical or is it just hysterical? Or, just plain sad. My brain now has more than 18 million cracks in it, my glass ceiling about to explode! I have listened to her speak thrice now.. I hear similar talent at my Lower Providence township meetings. Her voice might just bring Iran to it’s knees, though… John McCain will be swept under the rug by all of her attention. Abraham Lincoln must to be doing some serious somersaults in his grave. I better go , before I get in trouble. Toodles!

This is an issue debated in FFB circles every year, ad nauseam. What position is worth more at your draft table, the running back, or the wide receiver? Most leagues now score a point for a reception, so the lower-tier WR’s have certainly gained in status through the years..
In 2007, the top 10 WR’s outscored the top 10 RB’s by a margin of over 300 points. Yet, in 2006, RB’s outscored WR’s by a significant margin. To be fair, in 2007, top tier RB’s were really snake-bitten by injuries, surely skewing things…
I say it is a push… I say it’s a wash…
Until this….
This year, the NFL has changed a rule that will substantially affect the FFB landscape. There will be no “force-out” calls this year. If a WR snags a ball and is forced out of bounds by the defender, it is no longer considered a catch.
Follow me with this scenario. Your QB attempts a 40 yard TD bomb to your WR, who you cleverly picked up in your draft. He snags the ball in the corner of the end zone, but he’s forced out of bounds by the defender, preventing both feet from planting in the end zone. In my league this would be an 18 point disappointment. That is beyond huge!
Even a 20-yard grab at the sidelines, forced out of bounds, could swing a weekly FFB outcome. These plays happen nearly every game!
This new rule will also impact your QB’s fantasy production as well. In the previous scenario, that would be a 7 point QB casualty, plus a loss of a completion. While NFL referees will breath a little easier, and instant replay booths will collect some dust, this rule will wreak havoc on the cumulative numbers of a WR, and even a QB. As is if FFB isn’t stressful enough!

ADVANTAGE………RUNNING BACK

8/15/08 Crawford, Texas...President George W. Bush tossed out the first football from the western White House today, officially kicking off America's 2008 Fantasy Football season. " It's like when I threw out that first pitch at Yankee Stadium after 9/11, only better," Bush told a gathering crowd of tumbleweeds at his soon to be up for sale Crawford Ranch. " Heck, it's been a tough year, so this Fantasy Football will sure help relieve some pressure and help me wind down this Administration.”
“ Me, Dick Cheney, and Condoleezza Rice are all set to hold our eighth and final FFB draft here at the ranch. We used to have many more fine folks here for our draft, but they drifted away over the years. Mostly just to be with their families. Fine folks like Karl Rove, Colin Powell, Rummy, Brownie, the Beltway Boys, that ungrateful loser Scott McCarron, Gonzo, Rush. I won’t be missing Rush’s cigar smoke, that’s for sure. Plus he can sure put away some chow at the draft!”
“Remember that quail hunt lawyer Harry Whittington? You gotta love Cheney busting Whitt’s head all up with that buckshot. Whitt's face was more messed up than that whooping Katrina laid on them New Orleans levees, ( heh, heh.). He wanted no parts of that 2006 draft. That Cheney sure is a hoot after a couple of cold ones, especially if you lay some pellets, some caged quail, and a shotgun nearby. It’s priceless!”
“ Scooter Libby is gone. Speaking of Scooter, I might be riding one of those bad boys soon. These gas prices sure are taking no prisoners. Seriously, can’t we water board some of these gas prices in Gitmo? ( heh, heh). Man, the American Dream's tires sure are getting slashed. I even invited Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to the draft, but they’re struggling with the entry fee. They must have been drunk at one time, sure sobering up now, (heh, heh ). This economy's worse than them ‘terrists’. Good thing we're gambling with our stimulus checks this year.”
“ Inauguration Day, January 20th, can't get here soon enough, but I'm gonna sprint to the finish. I'll win my FFB league again, way before we bring Bin Laden to justice. I won all the hardware last year with my slick FFB ’Surge’ strategy. I used my Patriot Act and hog-tied all them New England Patriots after week 2. That Wesley ‘Welcher’ sure had a heck of a year, (heh, heh).”
“I’m ’The Decider,’ so every year I naturally get the first pick in my draft, then the draft serpentines back and around to me, so I get the 2nd and 3rd picks. Then it’s my pick again. It’s kind of confusing, but I'm getting the first four picks this year. That should be enough for another ’mission accomplished,’ (heh, heh). Cheney won't care, he‘s been kind of out of touch lately any how, he might show up at the Convention. If we play next year, we’ll be holding the draft at Dick Cheney's crib, though. Google just removed his home from Google Maps and Google Earth Search, so ain't no way we'll ever get bothered there.”
“ I'm thinking that New Orleans RB Reggie Bush for my first selection. It might help cheer up some of those sour faces from that part of the world. I had Bush last year. I reckon a Bush can't have two bad campaigns back to back, ( heh, heh). And, besides, the best defense is always a good offense. I might even pardon QB Michael Vick with my 2nd pick. I hear Vick has the same positive cash flow as a dog right now. Or, how about that spanking new Jets QB Brett Favre? Man, that was some rough divorce from the Packers! I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, not even that John Edwards, (heh, heh). I won’t be taking that RB Laurence Maroney again, that's for sure. Maybe the new Patriots RB LaMont Jordan, though? LaMont had a TD in his first pre-season game. Who's that Steeler RB? Is it ‘Slick Willie’ or ‘Fast Willie?’ If it’s ‘Slick Willie,‘ I‘ll leave that up to Monica Lewinsky, (heh, heh). I might even take that WR from the Indy Colts, Anthony Gonzalez, out of respect for my heck of a disgraced Attorney General, Gonzo.”
“Man, this FFB is more addicting than that oil,( heh heh). Good thing me and the boys don't ban off-shore drilling any more. You gotta love the ‘Straight Talk Express,‘ John McCain. We're gonna drill all day, all night at my draft, right here, right now, during each and every round. Laura wants to dump this place anyway, so who cares if there’s crude oil spurting all up through the floor?. Jeb and the Beverly Hillbillies did just fine with that back in the day, (heh, heh). These FFB drafts never seem to get any easier, even with just the three of us here now. Next year, at least, I won't have so much on my mind. We'll be playing with Euros next year.”
“Anyway, good luck to all of you fine citizens out there in all of your 2008 FFB draft endeavors. Let's Play BALL! Hey, where are all you tumbleweeds blowing off to? Don’t tell me another one of them ‘axis of evil’ hurricanes is coming?. If Mother Nature was a terrorist organization, I’d sure have some egg on my face, but you gotta admit, that Brownie really did do a heck of a job. I know you all are gonna miss me, and God bless!”

Note: President Bush and his final 2008 lame duck FFB adventures will be updated randomly throughout this entire NFL football campaign. Find out who wins, EXCLUSIVELY, only here in “Fantasy Football Gone Wild”. You won't find this anywhere else.
You can't make this stuff up!

8/13/08...Beijing, China: A somber President Bush vowed to support embattled Georgia today. “ Man, that state is taking a butt-whooping,” Bush told a hastily gathered Chinese press, while holding an American flag backwards. “This is serious, it’s bad for the Confederacy. We haven’t been attacked like this since Hurricane Katrina. Georgia was one of them original 13 colonies.”
“ I'm going to dispatch Condoleezza Rice to the Macon County Line and cut off the Russian armored tanks before they reach Atlanta. Maybe she can lay down on I-285 and stop that evil Soviet advance around the captal. Bullying or attacking a state is unacceptable foreign policy to me."
“Georgia is ranked #1 in college football, and that new Falcons coach is doing a heck of a fine job cleaning up after Michael Vick’s dogs. Laura and I were even thinking about getting some tickets to that part of the world.”
“ I might have to postpone my FFB Draft now. It’s really only me, Condy and Cheney playing this year. The rest have left us. But, please stay tuned for that. The Russians are testing my patience, but, be assured, they won’t stop me from playing FFB. Katrina didn't stop me from playing golf, did it? My great-grandaddy George Herbert Walker started the Walker Cup."
“ Is the inauguration coming soon?”

8/13/08 Flowery Branch, Georgia ( Atlanta Falcons training camp)...The Atlanta Falcons braced for another mortar attack from the Soviet Union, in shell-shocked Georgia today. “This is my first year with this team, I swear I never saw this coming,” new Falcons head coach Mike Smith told a shaken media. “I’m seeing a whole lot of red, and it’s not just in our uniforms. I’m here trying to get this slop of an NFL team ready for our home opener vs. the Lions, and now this. Did Bobby Petrino tick off the Russians that bad, too?”
“ When was the last time a state was attacked by the Russians? Couldn’t they have invaded South Carolina? Why they picked Georgia, I don’t have a clue. There’s no oil here, we all know it’s the Peach State, I thought. Why do you think this town was named Flowery Branch? Michael Vick’s 2007 fightin’ pit bull saga is looking tame next to this sorry situation. We sure could use some of Vick’s fightin’ dogs right now, to help protect The Georgia Dome. I-85 North has been shut down. Algae Crumpler has been shut down. It’s bad enough just trying to block and tackle in a place called Flowery Branch without laughing.”
As the world watches this tense and developing situation, extra security has been placed around FFB notables Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, Roddy White, and Michael Jenkins.
Joey Harrington , Joe Horn , Chris Redman, and Jerious Norwood weren’t provided any security.
“We’ve been through some rough times before,” Falcons owner Arthur Blank told the press. “ Our Falcons may quit and lose a lot, but as long as I’m still the owner, they will never, ever surrender.”

The quarterback is the face of football teams on all levels. While consensus suggests that most gridiron success comes from within the trenches , the quarterback engineers the scoring. Thus, he always gets the adoration or the blame, the big contract, the glamour, the media attention, and sometimes even Jessica Simpson. . You just have to observe Brett Favre’s ugly divorce from the Packers to get all of that. But, in Fantasy Football, is the stud QB always that adorable?
My current league has been in operation since 1999, the year QB Peyton Manning really burst on to the scene. He was selected #1 in our 2000 Draft. He has been selected in the first round, usually early, every year since.. Manning holds NFL records for consecutive years with over 4,000 yards passing, as well as most career total seasons with 4,000 plus yards passing. Only once has he missed a Pro Bowl selection since his 1998 rookie year. That was in 2001. He has been an absolute and durable FFB machine!
But, guess what? Not ONCE has Peyton Manning ever even made our playoff finals in nine years! Is drafting Peyton just a silly curse? I don’t think so.
A stud QB looks shiny on your opening day roster, but that gloss can wear off amazingly fast. In 2007, Tom Brady carried his proud owner on his back, putting up obscene FFB numbers, taking no prisoners all year long. You could pencil Brady in for 40 plus fantasy points, easy. Brady always answered the bell, even when that owner’s other players got nicked up. Nobody could beat him.
But, a wintry December Nor’easter rendered Brady impotent in our playoff semi-finals. Mother Nature demoted him to frigid human status, much to my benefit. That same winter storm wrapped a white out blanket all over Randy Moss and Wesley Welker, taking down another playoff favorite.
The combination of lesser QB’s David Garrard and Kurt Warner carried me to victory, in sunny places like Florida and Arizona. Neither of them were even drafted. Neither was on my roster before week 11. Amazingly, David Garrard also made our 2006 finals, finally being beaten out by that perennial FFB stud, QB Jeff Garcia. Fifty percent of our league winners have won with QB’s that were never even drafted.
This is the case more often that not. Over the years, the best QB’s in the NFL, names like McNabb, Manning, Palmer, Brees, Romo….the next one of those names who sniff our trophy, will be the first. You can’t make this stuff up!
Injuries, wintry late season games, bad match-ups, solid defenses, etc., have thwarted most first tier QB’s in the playoffs. That really is a remarkable trend! Even one that 2007 All-Fantasy-World QB Tom Brady couldn’t buck. Nobody will EVER put up better numbers.
So, if you fret, sweat, and panic for a first tier QB after your first round pick…relax, grab a beverage of your choice, chuckle with the only friend at your draft, your sports psychologist. It’s really not that urgent! Look for another RB or WR.. You’ll be glad you did.
It feels all warm and fuzzy to stroll out of you draft with a STUD QB on your roster. But, time- tested, real- time FFB reality ? Your 2008 league CHAMP just might steal it all with an undrafted signal-caller, or an opening day benchwarmer just needing some future love.

Did any expert , any clairvoyant, anywhere, foresee Eli Manning as the 2008 Super Bowl MVP? Case closed….

My current league is extremely competitive. These guys leave few stones unturned. We sometimes draft players that aren’t even in the system yet. But, they are legit!
It is a league of serious bragging rights if you win, yet brutal humiliation if you dip below .500. If you sadly happen to limbo under the “ Mendoza Line’ (batting under .200), you will surely require some primal scream therapy. You might not sleep well on Sunday Nights. Our message board is slathered with testosterone. It is not for the feint of heart.
Any slip up at the Draft, (i.e. drafting an injured player, a previously selected player, or a released player), will certainly produce instant wisecracks and razor-sharp ridicule.
As it should be.
Even a smart pick can be mocked, although a consensus “ good pick” refrain usually occurs in that situation, mercifully. The Draft usually lasts around four hours, but it can really feel like four days. Like in that Viagra commercial, if you have a draft that lasts for more than four hours, you will all need to consult your physician.
Although, in the Viagra commercial, I might actually wait more than four hours to consult my physician.
Our entry fee is a moderate $200, and every weekly transaction builds the pot up another $3. The winner gets a nice Christmas present, but it’s never about the cash booty. It never was. It’s about the personalities. It's about the journey. It’s all about the bragging rights.
Our league trophy sits right here in my FFB War Room now. It brings a smile. I want it to be there next winter as well. So does my sports psychologist. He’ll get all my prize money again, but, I don’t care.

I will own the bragging rights for another year…I’m using some of those right now….

Allow me to introduce myself, as well as my credibility. My name is Peter Newitt (aka Petey Bubba). I once wrote a freelance sports column for the West Chester Daily Local News. The column was called "Pete's Picks". It was quite taboo, back then in the early 1980s, to mention point spreads and Vegas gambling lines in print.
But, a progressive sports editor allowed me do just that. My weekly column focused on college football. Dan Marino was at Pitt at the time, John Elway was at Stanford, and Villanova's gridiron stand out was future NFL HOF defensive end Howie Long. Brian Westbrook wasn't yet born.
"Pete's Picks" had some early success vs. the Vegas Line, and the sports editor enjoyed my light, yet informative style. The good news was a job offer for a full-time sports writing job. The bad news was at half the pay I was receiving at my post office job, and without the job security or benefits.
My wife was pregnant at the time, so I painfully turned the offer down. I have regretted that ever since. So, now I'm taking out some more of my journalistic frustrations on this web site. My " Fantasy Football Gone Wild" blog will relate to FFB, America's #1 autumn disease.
FFB has contaminated every office, every work floor, every computer, every campus, every neighborhood in America, polluting our work space, our cyberspace, our minds, our homes and even our most well-intended relationships.
At the post office in the early 1980s, we indeed played FFB... Perhaps we even invented it. It wasn't called FFB, but it was our humble beginning. There were no FFB computer sites, no Fantasy magazines, no cheat sheets, no ESPN mock drafts, no FFB geeks or gurus to lean on....just our passion for NFL football.
It began with 11 bored postal workers and a commissioner who was chosen to be honest and benevolent. Our Commish held neither of those qualities, but I won't bore you with that. The Commish would at least check the Philly Daily News back pages on Mondays to see how we did. It was strictly touchdowns only, and kicking points... no yardage, no points for receptions, carries, sacks, fumbles or interceptions. If our receivers or running backs gobbled up chunks of yardage up and down the field, it never mattered. It only mattered if they crashed into the end zone for 6 points. Stud fullbacks were worthy!
I have played some form of FFB annually for over a quarter century now. That should qualify me for something. Just ask my wife., Valerie.. 2008 will be my 27th year, and yet we're still married.
I have graduated from dingy, smoke-filled, beer-soaked back room drafts to my 2007 draft in a posh, smoke-free, environmentally safe, state-of-the-art home theater, (also beer-soaked) from the cheesy Monday Daily News NFL box scores to CBSSports.com, game centers, real time play-by-play.
But, I always look forward to my weekly Sunday/Monday tilts with my "friends"… I am battle-tested, defending 2007 Champ, ready, and chafing at the bit (like Big Brown was before his dreaded Belmont), to entertain and inform any unlucky reader out there who, by their misfortune, stumbles upon this blog.
You all know who you are. Every year you insist on tormenting yourself with this FFB stuff! You can't help it! I'm here for all of you who run up your credit cards for online services that provide endless mock drafts, injury reports ad nauseam, useless strengths of schedules, pseudo player rankings, worthless player predictions. These are harsh economic times! .. I'm here to help you get the cutting edge on that obnoxious co-worker who nipped you in your FFB playoffs last year, or cleaned your clock in a mid season trade.
And, if I can't help, I just happen to have my sports psychologist right here at my side, to help all of us get through the grinding football season. Who needs a dog when you can have a trustworthy sports psychologist by your side? When you swim with sharks, you really need one..( I swear his hourly fee of 150 bucks could really help fill my gas tank these days, but I'm not that smart)
I have maintained all these years that you really need just TWO vital and crucial elements to capture your FFB League and Trophy:
1) You must work diligently and very hard just to get to
2) BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEPING LUCK! How about Cedric Benson going before Tom Brady at my 2007 Draft? Or, one of my league's rookie coaches stealing WR Randy Moss in the 6th round, and then WR Wesley Walker in last year's 11th round? His team was called the "Philly Cheesesteaks" . I haven't eaten one since. He was so obnoxious...They make me sick...."Wit' or "Witout."
You can't make this stuff up! I can't predict injuries, nor can I ever hope to heal them, but if you read this, you will smile through your angst. The best humor always slithers out from under some pain. "Fantasy Football Gone Wild" will weave politics, (in this surreal election year), names in the news, police blotters, sports, current entertainment, the economy, humor, culinary arts, the kitchen sink...you name it.. into a huge, twisted, tormented ball of irresistible nonsense. But, it will also be truly FFB informative. Just wait and see!
It may even help you steal a game or two from your obnoxious co-workers. Please tag along for the ride! I think you’ll enjoy it… plus it’s totally FREE, and free is ALWAYS in the budget. (By the way, my sports psychologist says hello….)
Feel free to comment… much appreciated! All abuse, however, will be carefuly screened and monitored under the N.E. Patriot Act, and most likely round-filed by my aforementioned shrink).