Continuing in my series of Pa Primary coverage ala Colbert's historic visit to Philadelphia, I'd like to take this post to turn our spotlights on the city of Brotherly Love itself.

I find it oddly disturbing that Hillary seems to have pulled through the gates today as the favorite, over Obama.

Perhaps more than anywhere else, Philly loves our heroes. When they fail, we throw batteries at them and utterly smite their good name better than any other major metropolitan area on the map. But we've seen too many good things run away from us to not be magnetized towards heroes. Remember how hard we clung to Allen Iverson's back? Donovon McNabb's ankles? Or even Shawn Bradley's neck right after he was drafted? We all loved anyone that looked like they could come in and change things, clear the debris and usher in a new golden age of Philly enlightenment. Philly is always looking for our real live Rocky's. For a new place to eat a cheesesteak.

But no one ever makes it up those stupid Art Museum steps, do they? No. And nothing makes us angrier than getting our hopes up.

But why have the polls been favoring Hillary in our state? She certainly isn't the more hero-like of the two. She has no Rocky in her. She would sooner remove the steps and install an escalator. In fact she's more like the arch enemy supervillain. She's like the Doc Ock of politics! (or, Two Face anyone?) Of course, that doesn't mean she isn't a capable leader. But I think she's more fit to lead, say, a business. And that's the biggest problem with America. Patrioticism has become a business. Our three branched democracy government has become business. So if we want to keep it like a business, than yea, let's elect Hillary.

But... I say LAISSEZ FAIRE, wife of Clinton! You lack the charisma to save a country in need of a jump start. There is nothing inspiring about you, and shouldn't the first woman to get this far in election be inspiring?!

Have you seen any political poll within the past decade? Split, down the middle. America does not agree on anything anymore. We are a whole in divide! A broken home! And you, Hillary, you lack the unifying force we need. Most candidates for Pres that stumble along these days do, and you're just another one of those. A bump in the road. You're boring. You appeal to old people because they would like to see a woman in office before they die. That would be neat. And you aren't Republican. But yet, you're like the CEO business woman mogul monster of the Democratic Party. I say a strugging business (like Journal Register.. for instance) should employ you if you want to fix things, because you aren't gonna fix what's happened here in America. You ain't duct taping no American divide, and we all know it.

But have you seen Obama talk? Have you seen the well of stars that get stirred up in peoples eyes when he takes a podium? I know a hero when I see one. And you should know I do, because I write about em enough. And I can tell you I haven't paid attention to politics in a long time, not until Obama came along. He has inspired me to think about my country again, about our leaders again.

Last week at the Colbert Report taping was the closest I had come to being in his presence, and even though he was there via a video conference, I felt what people talk about. That feeling like you're in the presence of something grand. The comparisons to Kennedy and Lincoln are not out of left field.

Colbert's crowd roared. Exploded. Before that moment, there was an air of disapointment that Hillary was the candidate who made an appearence. And go ahead and listen to the difference in applause for when both showed up on the show. Hillary's was warm and receptive, but it was more of a celebrity applause. When Obama popped up on the screen, all hell broke loose. Everyone was out of their chair and shouting, clapping, crossing themselves, thanking God.

So now, Pennsylvania, it is on us. We have crucified our own who have screwed us in Super Bowls, NBA Final games, and World Series. We have cursed and thrown bowls of nachos at digital images of those we called heros for missing their cue, missing their calling, for keeping us off the map. For royally blowing the game. Now it's our turn. The ball is in our hands and the country is watching us. Let's not become what we have hated.

This is our chance to be the heros, to be the Rocky's, to bring home the gold. Let's nominate a real hero to run for this November's election, not one that is full of promises and policies, but one that inspires. That's what a leader is supposed to do, not manage a business.

For a week or so now, the entire nation has focused in on us here in PA.

And not just because they want to know if we like Obama more than Clinton.

Last week, all eyes were in a dead lock on us because we, the suburbanites of Philadelphia and it's surrounding areas got a new brother to love (no tongue though) --Stephen T. Colbert. For the birthing bedrock of modern democracy, Philly hadn't had a mantle to polish off on in modern times, outside of Rocky. We're known as the town with sports teams that blow every shot they get. That, and cheesesteaks. America knows us through cliches and founding fathers. Historic Philly and modern image Philly are as separated as Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. The dark side of the force and the Jedi. Morrissey and the rest of The Smiths.

And now, perhaps, the fate of America's next decade lies in our hands. Irony is a funny man. And Stephen Colbert is his nephew.

Colbert's series of shows from Philly last week reminded me that loathing my Philly roots is something to be proud of, something to brag about and shovel in people's faces, flaming piles of it. He came to Temple University with jumper cables for us and his quality brand of hard-nails not-so-journalism, and he gave the PA Primary exactly what it needed. Not in-depth coverage, but leverage. That's what he's always done with his show, but now he was just down the road from us.

So, we the Scene & Heardicans of blogosphere nation had to see it for ourselves last Thursday for the taping of his final Philly episode. That was the big one, with Obama, Clinton, and a hilarious John Edwards. We came, we saw, we Colberted. And it was immaculately awesome. And that's The Word. (Or The Ed Word, whatever.)

Now, tomorrow, is the big day. The big Tuesday. The big showdown. It's the Aaron Burr vs. Alexander Hamilton duel of our day. So, as another quality outlet of fiery journalism, we here at Scene & Heard will be using our blogging time to cover the PA Primary, our way. And that's by dissecting what we witnessed at the Colbert taping last Thursday. And maybe tossing in some Harvey Dent campaigning too.

For Part 1 of this series, we're going to look at what happened while the cameras weren't rolling. Colbert, BEHIND THE SCENES.

First, a lot of people wanted to get in, and many droves of wrist-strongies didn't. Heck, we barely did. I ended up with a seat in the very back row, after standing and waiting for more than 2 hours. While about 700 people strong packed into the Annenberg Center's lobby to stand in one joint crowd for a treacherously long time, the usual string of Philly chants made their rounds. From the Eagles chant to repeated waves of "a*s-hole." At the time though, we didn't realize he had such an uncanny list of surprise guests to be waiting for. Though the swarming secret service dudes gave us an idea there'd be at least one guest of note.

Once sat, the producers prepped us, told us the part we had to play in the show (cheerleaders on coke, essentially). The opening comedian made a good point when the crowd began to throw some Hilary boo's his way. This is a Comedy Central show, not a CNN news program. Anyone that shows up is Colbert's guest, including us, and no one cares about an audience member's disapproval of anyone on the show. Pro-approval only. So that set the tone, and we went on.

What didn't you see in terms of entertainment that I did?

Benjamin Franklin rocking out on his walking cane like a guitar.

Some excellent music between sets, Green Day, Rancid, REM, Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros..

Colbert feeding Ben Franklin Doritos. Franklin losing them in the air and having to dig through his coat to find them.

Colbert doing show-stopping handstands.

Colbert: "To give you an idea of how much hairspray is in my hair, I just held a handstand and my hair did not move."

Profuse apologies from anyone involved with the show for making us wait long, before dissing Penn State alumni.

Colbert fielding questions from the crowd, out of character. One such question was "what is your idea of a perfect date. His reply was goofy and swarmy turning serious, "getting home in time to see my kids these days is good enough for me."

Much more quality air time from all the guests that was cut from the final half-hour product. Hillary's fixing of the screen was much more involved, asking more questions of Jimmy, before fixing it to ironically make way for Obama's video conference at the end of the show.

The first third of the show, or so, also had to be re-shot because the producers played the wrong footage of the previous night's debate.

A heavy dose of Colbert. The whole experience was just incredible. It took an ironic and deeply sarcastic comedy program to unearth the truth not only about what these democratic candidates can offer the future of our country, but also the truth of what it means to be from Philadelphia... and what it means to be American.

Tomorrow, Primary Day, I'll dive into the Philadelphia / patriotic side of things I came away from The Colbert Report with last week, along with something of an endorsement.

I was perusing around on some fellow blogs and came across a post that compared Fight Club's illustrious Tyler Durden to American Psycho's Patrick Bateman. And my first thought was, which one of these dudes would kick the innards out of the other, and would the results change if they were given chainsaws and dynamite?

So this week, is the week of the fiercest battles to never happen, because they would easily shred the fabric of the universe to scraps, and that would be the end of us all. Screw Alien Vs Predator! That's toddler fodder now. We'll cross parallel universes, and pit savage beasts from different dimensions against one another and offer no mercy. No one is safe! Leave your thoughts on who takes all the chips in the comments.

5. BATTLE OF THE OBLONG HEADS
E.T. Vs. Johnny 5 (the vengeful version from Short-Circuit 2's climax)
--officiated by Super Mario
While both are loveable creatures of the 80s, this is not a fight to miss. Neither one wants to fight, but on the inside, they are pure-bred war machines. ET is an alien, so he obviously wants to eat people. And Johnny was created to be a tactical war machine, hellbent on defeating all enemies in his path. One heals cuts with the touch of his glowing finger, the other has a nuclear cannon on his shoulder. When push comes to shove, this one could be the nastiest fight ever recorded.

4. RUMBLE IN THE BRONX
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Vs. The Cloverfield Monster (officiated by Rudy Guillini circa 2001)
Both hate people, but both want to make loud noises and be responsible for earth crunching explosions. One is a cartoony ghost, one is a wierd ugly thing. Both are crazed lunatics. Evacuate New York now, because Godzilla and Mothra's destruction in Tokyo is gonna look like a child's whimper compared to the havoc that's about to wreaked.

3. THE GREATEST BATTLE OF ALL TIME
Marty McFly & The Doc Vs. Neo & Morpheus Vs. The Wyld Stallyns
TWO Keanu Reaves in one fight? Can you say WHOA? He can! You know it's gonna get nasty. Even tho Neo and Morpheus are the most skilled fighters here, they can't travel through time like the other 2 tag teams here. The Doc and Marty seem to have the upper hand since they got a flux capacitor, quick wits, a talented guitarist, and a wild-eyed scientist in tow, but Bill & Ted have also outsmarted Satan himself before melvening Death. So the outcome is anyone's guess, and it's likely there will be a few time and actor paradoxes, so we'll all end up ceasing to exist in the end. WICKED!

2. THE FURIOUS BOUT OF THE FURRY ONES
Animal (The Muppet) Vs. The Zombie Sheep (from Black Sheep) (officiated by Mike Tyson)
Essentially this becomes a battle between Jim Henson's workshop and Peter Jackson's workshop. We pit the wild zaney eyed-albeit child friendly-mental institute escapee nut job against sheep that eat people. Hyper-Rabies vs. ADHD. Yikes!

1. HELL ON MIDDLE EARTH
Hillary Clinton Vs. The Dark Lord Sauron (officiated by Eric Cartman of South Park)
One of the front-runners for our next presidential election vs. the Adolf Hitler of Middle Earth. I would never underestimate what either of these creatures are capable of, and would advise everyone to fear the absolute worst with these two glaring into each others eyes. Evil has a new name.