I was perusing around on some fellow blogs and came across a post that compared Fight Club's illustrious Tyler Durden to American Psycho's Patrick Bateman. And my first thought was, which one of these dudes would kick the innards out of the other, and would the results change if they were given chainsaws and dynamite?

So this week, is the week of the fiercest battles to never happen, because they would easily shred the fabric of the universe to scraps, and that would be the end of us all. Screw Alien Vs Predator! That's toddler fodder now. We'll cross parallel universes, and pit savage beasts from different dimensions against one another and offer no mercy. No one is safe! Leave your thoughts on who takes all the chips in the comments.

5. BATTLE OF THE OBLONG HEADS
E.T. Vs. Johnny 5 (the vengeful version from Short-Circuit 2's climax)
--officiated by Super Mario
While both are loveable creatures of the 80s, this is not a fight to miss. Neither one wants to fight, but on the inside, they are pure-bred war machines. ET is an alien, so he obviously wants to eat people. And Johnny was created to be a tactical war machine, hellbent on defeating all enemies in his path. One heals cuts with the touch of his glowing finger, the other has a nuclear cannon on his shoulder. When push comes to shove, this one could be the nastiest fight ever recorded.

4. RUMBLE IN THE BRONX
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Vs. The Cloverfield Monster (officiated by Rudy Guillini circa 2001)
Both hate people, but both want to make loud noises and be responsible for earth crunching explosions. One is a cartoony ghost, one is a wierd ugly thing. Both are crazed lunatics. Evacuate New York now, because Godzilla and Mothra's destruction in Tokyo is gonna look like a child's whimper compared to the havoc that's about to wreaked.

3. THE GREATEST BATTLE OF ALL TIME
Marty McFly & The Doc Vs. Neo & Morpheus Vs. The Wyld Stallyns
TWO Keanu Reaves in one fight? Can you say WHOA? He can! You know it's gonna get nasty. Even tho Neo and Morpheus are the most skilled fighters here, they can't travel through time like the other 2 tag teams here. The Doc and Marty seem to have the upper hand since they got a flux capacitor, quick wits, a talented guitarist, and a wild-eyed scientist in tow, but Bill & Ted have also outsmarted Satan himself before melvening Death. So the outcome is anyone's guess, and it's likely there will be a few time and actor paradoxes, so we'll all end up ceasing to exist in the end. WICKED!

2. THE FURIOUS BOUT OF THE FURRY ONES
Animal (The Muppet) Vs. The Zombie Sheep (from Black Sheep) (officiated by Mike Tyson)
Essentially this becomes a battle between Jim Henson's workshop and Peter Jackson's workshop. We pit the wild zaney eyed-albeit child friendly-mental institute escapee nut job against sheep that eat people. Hyper-Rabies vs. ADHD. Yikes!

1. HELL ON MIDDLE EARTH
Hillary Clinton Vs. The Dark Lord Sauron (officiated by Eric Cartman of South Park)
One of the front-runners for our next presidential election vs. the Adolf Hitler of Middle Earth. I would never underestimate what either of these creatures are capable of, and would advise everyone to fear the absolute worst with these two glaring into each others eyes. Evil has a new name.